My Blog

The point here is real friendship… please take note of this premise

@diannelife: what i see about your point in breaking up is that there is always something wrong with breaking up

It seems like when some couple breaks up, there is always a "breaking of trust"…

What I mean is, these people still have misunderstandings and fights… But they know that trust and communication is very important to them… their relationship as friends is important. In this case… virtually… they could not break the trust of each other…

Their communication level with each other are way above… Yung tunay na close…Yung parang tanguan na lang… e oks na.. marami na silang nasabi nun at naintindihan na nila ang isa’t isa… It would be really hard for one party to destroy the friendship and trust of the other

Just think… Di mo naman sasaktan ang tunay mong kaibigan diba?

*——(",)——*

Now back to relationships… as couples (married and GF/BF alike)he only hard thing about real friendship going to a relationship where you are now a couple is when there are remnants of myths that still linger in both of the parties mindsets

Like this one: magbabago ang lahat kapag naging GF/BF na kayo… mawawala ang friendship…

This sucks… really… I heard this since highschool… and it really… grrrr

A very very very good relationship that lasts till the 50th wedding anniversary… is founded on real friendship

These people who says magbabago are still the people who are always swayed and being controlled by their own feelings and emotions… They don’t want to control their actions… so as to always blame somebody or something else… like their own feelings… or they have fallen out of love…

These people do not own the responsibility to control their actions…

Relationships (as in couples) are also friendships but with a different way of loving and serving each other. Yes, in here, there are feelings and emotions and terms of endearment that are inside the frienship… But, you are still friends… and nothing has change even if the relationship was taken to a higher level… In fact… mas lumalakas pa ang friendship niyo each and everyday

Meron bang tunay na magkaibigan na habang tumatagal ang pagkakaibigan e mas lalong nasisira… di na yun tunay diba?

Another myth: Pag nagbreak-up e masisira ang friendship.

Yes there is pain in every breakup… But that doesn’t mean na sira ang friendship. Yes magbabago ang pakikitungo niyo sa isa’t isa (so as to heal both parties). But still the frienship is still there.

I’ve seen this kind before… many times… since highschool….

"Ayokong mawala ang friendship natin…"

crap… (marami magrereact… *evil laugh*)

I ask… "friendship" nga lang ba ang takot mong mawala o magbago? or something else

Again… friendship stays… Yes, the trust may have changed but if these people are friends (sabihin natin nasira talaga ng isa ang trust ng isa… reality check)… ma-eearn naman ulit in time.

Ang most likely takot lang natin is the fact that now ganito ang inyong pakikisalamuha at pakikisama sa isa’t isa at natatakot kang magbago ito dahil lang you are going to a relationship na pwedeng magbreak-up kayo in the end….

To think that not all relationship goes haywire… some has a happy ending
Pero nauunahan tayo ng takot…

Takot na baka masira ang lahat… mawala ang lahat… magbago ang lahat

E kahit ano namang gawin mo… magbabago at magbabago naman ang lahat… kahit hindi man kayo naging kayo… in a few weeks or months… magbabago parin kayo at pakikitungo niyo sa isa’t isa… pwede parin masira yan (lalo na kung ang nagpapatakbo sa inyo na ay feelings na lang… aysus)

Point: It’s all about fear… fear of something wrong may happen… and the way you treat each other, and not the friendship, will change…

You are "happy" the way things are… you now dispise change… you just want everything to be like this… you are now in comfort zone… and you fear na kapag natake into a level of a relationship that is usually more secure dapat ang relationship niyo as friends… e baka magbago ang lahat… may masira… mawala ang trust… as if your actions now depend on something else… your feelings… and not on you and your foundations of character.

As if your love for each other in a relationship becomes dependent not on both of you… but on a fleeting feeling… where both of you can fall in… or fall out… at anytime…

Gets ba?

Marami pang myths…
Pero ito muna… May schedule pa ako today… so I’ll cut this short for you guys…

About break-ups… I want to restate what I’ve said earlier

Not all break-ups are caused by fights, misunderstandings and loss of trust

Just think… what if the break-up is mutual… They just know that they will be hurting each other more if they continue their relationship as lovers.
They know they can’t serve each other and the people around them with their relationship.

Then, using all their strength and will, backed-up by maturity and God’s grace…
they break-up… it hurts yes… Because they have invested their lives in each other…

Pero ganun e… They know they are not meant for each other… But still… their friendship is intact… Yung tunay na friendship ay nandun parin… nothing has changed… but made stronger lang

Nature is a great teacher. A walk in a forest can teach us about life and
help us to experience something far greater than ourselves. Suppose you
came upon a colony of mushrooms decorating the forest floor, what would
you see? At first, we may believe the hundreds of mushrooms are individual
plants, but actually they are all parts of the same organism. You see,
they are all sprouting from the same underground fungal network called a
mycelium. We are like mushrooms. We appear separate and distinct. Yet, we
all spring from the same invisible network, which in our case is called
humanity. Each of us is just a small part of the whole. Once we understand
that, it becomes much easier to develop close relationships. If we wish to
learn about ourselves, what we are and what we can become, we have to
learn about others.

As we continue our walk in the forest, we may stop to watch raindrops roll
down the surface of a leaf. In their gleeful slide down the leaf, the
drops of water collide and separate, traveling along different paths. Each
time one drop collides with another, part of each drop merges with the
other, so when they separate, each carries a part of the other. We are
like raindrops. As we run into one another and interact, we exchange part
of ourselves with each other. As we learn how to grow in intimacy, we
exchange more and more of ourselves when we meet, each benefiting from the
process, each being enriched by the other.

A young husband said to his wife, "I will work very hard for you and
someday we will be rich." And his wife replied, "But honey, we are already
rich, and someday we may have lots of money too." Yes, intimacy enriches
us; it makes us rich. What is intimacy? It is what we see in the forest:
two trees growing side by side, but not in the shadow of the other.
Intimacy is about mutual support, encouragement, and growth. On the other
hand, estrangement stunts growth and devalues life.

A tree that is struck by lightning falls silently, unless there is a
person or animal to hear it. Similarly, a person’s life ends with little
meaning, unless there was someone to share it. Can you see how important
intimacy is? It may not be essential for physical survival, but it does
seem necessary for emotional survival. Just as a drab landscape is
magically transformed by a snowfall or crimson sunset, so does a simple
friendship grow into a source of joy when it is stoked by intimacy.

By now it is clear that today’s topic is intimacy, so before we continue,
let me describe it in slightly more detail. Intimacy is about reaching out
to others, not with our arms and hands, but with our minds and hearts. It
is about accepting people and sharing our lives with them. It is also
about exposing ourselves, removing our mask, and dismantling the many
layers of protection that we use to hide our true selves from others.
Revealing our thoughts and feelings is like peeling the outer leaves of an
artichoke one by one, until we come to the best part, the tender part, the
very heart of the artichoke.

To be intimate is to be vulnerable. It is to say, "Here I am. This is what
I am really like. These are the things that inspire me. And these are the
things that inspire fear in me. Here are my dreams, hopes, and ambitions.
Here are my doubts, worries, and concerns. Here are my beliefs and values.
Here are my weaknesses and faults. Can you accept me for whom I am and
help to bring out the best in me?"

It takes courage to open up and speak frankly to others. After all, many
of us have been damaged by past criticism and have lost faith in others.
Once our weaknesses are exposed, we fear rejection, betrayal, ridicule,
humiliation, and loss of control. Yet, we can regain our trust in others
by peeling away the leaves of our artichoke a little at a time. In fact,
if we were to reveal everything at once, we may overwhelm and frighten
others, causing them to distance themselves from us. So, a good rule of
thumb is to proceed by baby steps, so that you and your partner slowly and
carefully build a solid foundation of mutual trust.

Support builds intimacy. Criticism destroys it. If my close friend is
slightly overweight, why mention it? Do I think he is so stupid that he
doesn’t know he is overweight? And why is he overweight? Perhaps he seeks
the pleasure of eating to escape the pain of feeling inadequate. So, if I
tell him to lose weight, all I do is reinforce his feelings of inadequacy,
which leads to more compulsive eating. But if I were to accept him without
criticism, this would boost his confidence and reduce his need to look for
pleasure in food. Also, as we grow closer, he may decide to join me at the
gym for workouts, which may remove his excessive weight and give him even
more confidence.

But isn’t it true that at times we should speak up? Yes, if a close friend
or spouse has an addiction that is destroying their life, for example, we
should use full force in encouraging them to seek professional help. Too
often, however, we are tempted to ask others to change when we are the
ones that need changing. We need to change by growing more accepting of
others. Any advice that we offer should be used very sparingly. Buddha
offers some useful guidelines: "If it is NOT truthful and NOT helpful,
don’t say it. If it is truthful and NOT helpful, don’t say it. If it is
NOT truthful and helpful, don’t say it. If it is truthful and helpful,
WAIT for the right time."

Dr. J. Allen Petersen also has wise words to share: "Most people get
married believing a myth - that marriage [or any relationship] is a
beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship,
sexual fulfillment, intimacy, friendship. The truth is that marriage, at
the start, is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take
anything out. There is no love in marriage; love is in people. There is no
romance in marriage; People have to infuse it into their marriages. A
couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving,
praising - keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the
box will be empty."